By: Lisa Anne Hetu
Disclaimer: Every character in this story, with the exception of Rachel, is a real person. However, the way in which they are depicted does not necessarily match their actual personalities. I do not take responsibility for any similarities that may occur with regards to their personalities or personal information. Please remember that this is a fictitious tale, and is not to be taken as fact. Thank you.
There comes a time when you look back on your life and think "I can’t believe that actually happened." You wonder if maybe you’ve just been living a dream all this time, and the more you think about it the more you fear waking up. I suppose, in my case, it’s more like a fear of falling asleep ... permanently. Either way, the dream would end. But, all things have to end sometime, I guess, and when you’re my age that’s really all there is to think about; that, and the memories.
You’ll be happy to hear that I never cut my hair short. Somehow, it was more than a hairstyle, it was more like an identity. The fans loved it, so I humored them. Besides, I felt freer jumping around on stage with wild hair flying around behind me. I wish I had that kind of energy again. Then again, flashing light shows and thousands of people chanting ‘Great Big Sea!’ sure gets the adrenaline flowing ... I just might still have it in me.
Anyway, I was talking about the memories. I’ve been privileged to have shared these memories with my three partners in crime - Darrell, Sean and Bob. We’re past that time when we could travel the world over, but even now that we’re retired, Great Big Sea lives on in our hearts, and in CD players across the world. The music still lives, and now that I think about it, in some way I guess we all knew (at least after a while) that the candle we lit back in 1993 would burst into flames. That was close to fifty years ago. Back then, we couldn’t even fathom what we were getting ourselves into ... the jet lag, the sleepless nights, the headaches, the heartaches ...
It was rough on the girls, I’ll admit, not having us around for most of the year, wondering constantly if we’d have time to call and often worrying that we might not make it back home for various reasons. On the whole, I think Joanne was one of the stronger ones, I was lucky; I still am. Sean, on the other hand, had it a little more rough. He went through a bunch of girlfriends, usually bouncing back after a while, but I think the last one hit him hard. She was about ten years his junior, but he couldn’t possibly have loved her more.
Her name was Rachel. She was a photographer from Ottawa. That’s where we met her. She was a pretty enough girl, very feminine, well-dressed and the like. I think what Sean loved most about her, physically, were her green eyes. Of course, I think he just said that to be modest. She had a way about showing just enough of her chest to be sexually alluring and yet remained sophisticatedly proper. She had Sean wrapped around her little finger.
Rachel eventually got involved with the band. She worked mostly with our promotional staff, but she needed us around occasionally as well ... most commonly around the time we released a new album. She took some of the best promotional pictures we ever had. Most of her work was done in Ottawa, and I found us making more frequent trips to our nation’s capital. I didn’t notice right away, because Sean could really be secretive and mysterious when he wanted to be, but you can really only hide your feelings for another person for so long before someone is bound to notice. It’s a good thing I’m so observant.
Suddenly, I could see the way he looked at her and the way she looked back. I understood, now, why he always lagged behind after every shoot. I stayed quiet about it for a while, but that mischievous part of me just couldn’t let him think he had beat our curiosity for long. We were heading back to the hotel after another day of getting our picture taken. I’ve always found that to be a silly thing to do. Rachel’s studio was walking distance from the hotel, but Tony insisted we take the van. That’s just what I wanted to do ... pile into a stuffy van when we had just spent the day sitting still. I tried to stall for as long as I could, just to piss off Tony. "Darrell, I think you should have a smoke." I said, "Sean too, come on, you’ve been so deprived today."
The boys kinda looked at me funny because I usually disapproved loudly of that nasty habit, but they weren’t about to refuse a cigarette. Tony looked impatient, and Bob got in the van anyway. Buddy always snagged the front seat. "So Sean," I said after a minute, "What do you think of Rachel?"
"I like her better than our last photographer; Rachel takes great pictures doesn’t she?" Sean said, obviously avoiding my meaning.
"Well, it helps when you actually look at the camera." I said.
Sean gave me a strange look, one I never could quite place. "I’ve seen the way you look at her," I clarified, "You like Rachel, don’t you?"
Sean tried to deny it for a while, but he’s always been a horrible liar. That, and Darrell got directly involved with prying the truth from him. We kinda had him on the spot. Finally, Sean gave in. "Alright, yes, I like her," he said, "But can you blame me? She’s beautiful."
"She has a nice rack too." I had to stick my foot in it. I got a good smack for that comment, but Sean knew it was the truth.
Eventually, we started taking Rachel with us on parts of the tour. It was a lot more common for newspapers and magazines to use in-concert photos of us for their articles and such. It also saved us from spending endless hours in a studio for days on end. Sean got to spend more time with Rachel too, which was a lot more than I could say for the rest of us.
Now, Sean was never much for sharing little details about his women. He told us some things, like plans he had made for her birthday or warnings that she was in a bad mood for whatever reason, but he never told us how he felt about her and stuff like that. But, even so, Sean’s character had changed visibly. He was livelier on stage, more sociable, and was hardly ever grumpy. Rachel seemed happy too. I thought for sure that she would be the one ... but, I was wrong.
It must’ve been about five or six years since Rachel had been working with us. I guess I should’ve seen it coming, but suddenly Rachel was gone. Her departure came as a surprise for most of us, but Sean had known what was happening the whole time. Perhaps he tried to deny the inevitable, wanting to believe she would always be a part of his life, but in the end he knew. He never mentioned the friction between himself and Rachel that, apparently, had gone on since a few months before. The whole situation just kinda got dumped on the rest of us one day.
Sure, we were a little angry with Sean for driving away the best photogapher we had ever had, but it really couldn’t have been helped. I just woke up one morning and heard muffled arguing in the hall outside my hotel room door. As I stuck my head out the door way I caught the tail end of a heated conversation. "I’m sorry but it just doesn’t work that way, Sean." Rachel scolded, "I’m not your bitch that you can call upon whenever you feel like it. That’s not why I’m travelling with you. My job is to take your picture, and frankly, I think I’ve done enough of that. Goodbye, Sean."
She turned just then and saw me standing there in my bath robe. She was surprised and embarrassed for only a moment, then composed herself. "I’m sorry Alan, but I have to go now." she said and walked right by me.
I was in shock. I remember feeling helpless and unable to move, but finally I brought myself to turn my head questioningly towards Sean. I didn’t say anything, but my mind was screaming "Why?" Sean had this scolded puppy look about him. He didn’t look at me. After what seemed like hours he shifted his weight, pinched the bridge of his nose in momentary thought, then went back into his room and slammed the door behind him. He either had not acknowledged my presence or had simply ignored my accusing glare.
I stood alone in the hall, torn between confronting Sean or running after Rachel. I took a step towards Sean’s door, then decided that then wasn’t the time. I turned and literally ran down to the lobby, not realizing that I was still in my bathrobe; I doubt I would have even cared at that point. I ignored the weird looks I got from the front desk when I asked them if they had seen a person they never could have recognized if their lives depended on it. It was only after the fact that I realized a long-haired, unshaven and disheveled man in a bath robe running around like a lunatic might have actually frightened the hotel staff.
Needless to say, I never found Rachel, though I’ll have to admit I’ve never seen or heard of anyone disappearing so quickly - bags and all - and I may never again, that’s for sure. As far as I know, none of us ever heard from her again after that; we never even got a Christmas card. Darrell and Bob found out about Rachel’s sudden departure quickly enough. Someone had to tell them eventually, though they were bound to notice on their own, and Sean wouldn’t have said a thing. He got a little angry when I told them, but I think he knew I had to do it. It wouldn’t have been right to lie as Sean may have preferred. Lying is wrong ... I never lie.
Anyway, the rest of the tour was a little rough that year. Sean was completely drained and melancholy. He performed well enough, but his heart just wasn’t in it. He even managed to drag the rest of us down. We ended up having to cut the tour short. Personally, I couldn’t have pretended nothing was wrong when Sean looked close to tears every time I glanced his way. There was only so much we could’ve said to try and cheer him up. So, finally, I said "B’ys, we’re homeward bound."
Somehow, Sean seemed relieved though he never said anything about it. But, I could tell he needed to go home. Darrell and Bob thought so too. So, we took a little break, visited our families and friends, and just hung out back home for a while. Eventually, we did go back on tour, though Sean was never quite the same. I think he had a mid-life crisis or something. He got back into the music, but he never dated anyone after Rachel. We continued playing our music for about ten years after that, until we decided to go out with a bang. So, we hit all the major Canadian cities ending up back in St. John’s for our farewell tour. Just to keep it going, we released a special album called ‘Twenty-Five Great Big Years’ (2019).
Now-a-days, Sean’s doing much better. He doesn’t worry all that much about women anymore and he even found time to go back to finish that degree in folklore at M.U.N. like he always wanted. He’s a living example of the eternal journey of a bachelor. Darrell is happily married with three children. He’s got a typical Brady Bunch family - no big problems, hardly any worries, just a house full of love. Bob was married for a while, but his wife died of cancer about two years ago. They never had any children. As for me, I’m happily retired with the fairest one of all. My one and only child is grown up and has moved away to Boston. Who would have thought ... and the rest is history.
THE END
