By: Lisa Anne Hetu
Zeus was a grand ship, sailing peacefully over the calm ocean after a storm. The deck was wet and the sails were slightly torn, but otherwise Zeus remained completely intact. Zeus was a strong and worthy ship, owned by the reknowned pirate Captain Topher.
Steve and Mike were the first up on deck. They had to swab the deck before the captain yelled at them. And as they quietly attended to their work, little Mikey found his way on deck. The parrot flew over to the helm and perched there. Then, he started to whistle a lively tune. But, Mikey had never been the most musical of birds. Steve made a disgusted face, but tried to ignore the parrot.
As the waves started to pick up slightly, Mikey felt it necessary to balance his weight better. So, he moved over to the right a little and the helm turned slightly under his weight. This in turn caused the ship to swerve a little to the right and Steve and Mike lost their balance on the wet deck. The tilt of the helm frightened the little parrot, so he flew up a few inches and perched himself again, this time a little more to the left, again causing the helm to turn, the ship to swerve, and the pirate thugs lost their balance again just as they were getting up. This course of events repeated itself a few more times before Steve got angry.
With an almost inhuman growl, Steve charged at the unsuspecting bird. And, at that very moment, Topher was coming up from below deck. In his haste, Steve slipped on the wet deck and collided with the captain, causing Topher to tumble back down below deck without knowing what hit him. A scream of pain alerted both the pirate thugs and the loveable parrot to the lower levels of the ship. Captain Topher had landed on top of a tower of brandy, both kegged and bottled. His right shoulder had taken the brunt of the fall, and millions upon millions of pieces of wood and shattered glass had lodged themselves into Topher's right side.
After much cursing and screaming at Steve for his bumbling, Captain Topher was taken reluctantly on land to the nearest medical facility. This was a rather small clinic, with only five nurses and two doctors to tend to the multitudes of injured and ill patients. Fortunately, Topher was the only patient for the present. The head nurse, Patricia took care of medical records, while nurse ERin, Nurse Laurel, Nurse Amelia and Nurse Lisa preped the hospital room and operating room for Topher. Doctor Kirk introduced himself to the pirate thugs and explained that the captain was going to have to get his right arm amputated. Meanwhile, Doctor Matt was washing up for the operation.
During the operation, Steve sat grumpily with Mikey perched reluctantly on his shoulder. "Don't be so upset, Steve" Mike said, "The captain just wants you and the parrot to start getting along."
"That doesn't mean it has to sit on my shoulder." Steve grumbled.
"Well *it* isn't too happy here either, you dolt." Mikey squawked.
"It's amazing," Mike said, "I do believe that's the first time you two have EVER agreed on something."
And, before Steve and Mikey could protest, Nurse Patricia walked by in the mini-skirt and low-cut top that made up her uniform. Mikey immediately fell in love. The parrot hopped down onto the floor and waddled across the room after Patricia. He followed the nurse into the back room as the pirate thugs looked on with raised eyebrows. They glanced at each other confusedly, then back at the door just as the parrot burst through the door, flapping his wings furiously and molting. "And stay out!" Nurse Patricia scolded the bird.
Mikey calmly flew back onto Steve's shoulder, trying to retain his pride. Steve, who was tired of being perched on, threw the bird at Mike saying "Why don't you sit on him for a while?"
Again, Mikey straightened up and decided to perch on Mike's shoulder instead as he mumbled "How rude."
Doctor Matt came out of the operating room to speak with the pirates. He explained that the operation had gone extremely well, but that it may be hard for Topher to get used to using his left arm. However, Doctor Matt had decided that since Topher was a pirate, the only right thing to do was to give him a peg arm as was the custom for most pirates.
"Actually, pirates have peg *legs*, not peg arms." Mike corrected.
"Oh," Dr. Matt said, somewhat disappointed, but cheered up rather quickly by adding "I can chop off a leg too, if you want."
"No, that's perfectly alright." Steve interjected quickly.
Just then, Dr. Kirk came out of the operating room with Nurse Lisa on his arm. He made a quick comment about the adjustment on the peg arm having been made, and that he was ducking out with Nurse Lisa for a while. After Dr. Kirk and Nurse Lisa had gone, Dr. Matt looked confused, then checked Topher's medical record. "I don't remember making this side note..." Dr, Matt said, thinking out loud, "But, apparantly a mint dispenser has been added to Topher's peg arm."
Mikey the genius parrot smiled to himself, but didn't say anything.
Steve and Mike went into the hospital room to see their Captain with little Mikey trotting close behind. Nurse Amelia and Nurse Laurel were fluffing pillows and making sure Captain Topher was as comfortable as possible, but despite the lavished attention, Topher seemed rather grumpy. Little Mikey flew onto the captain's bed and waddled across Topher's chest to perch on the new peg arm. Nurse ERin scolded the bird gently, saying "You can't sit there yet little one, the arm needs time to set and heal." Then she took Mikey and placed him on the bed.
Mikey looked blankly at the nurse then waddled back onto Topher's wodden arm, perching himself on the very tip. Again, the nurse tried to remove the bird, but Mikey flapped his wings and squawked up a great fit. Nurse ERin got the hint and backed off. Mikey then poked at the end of the peg arm and out popped a mint. Happily, Mikey crunched on the mint perched on Topher's new peg arm.
The End.
